What I Needed and Not What I Wanted

Ask a person, any person, to list out their wants, and you are probably looking at a never ending wish list of material and non-material things. We are selfish beings, quick to highlight what we want. But do we really know ourselves well enough to want the things we are also in need of? I just learnt not.

Perhaps there was a sense of inevitability to what I was grappling with given how my life had panned out leading up until this time; a question of when and not if.  What transpired, or rather did not go to plan was the Molotov cocktail of uncertainty that led me down a spiral of confusion, anxiety, and unease like I had not experienced before this last month. And though I cannot claim to have fully figured out the roots of this disturbance, I do feel like I have made strides in getting to know what caused me to veer from my generally calm state of being, to being one step closer to understanding my imperfect self. After all, we are all broken in some way aren’t we not?

I had been looking everywhere for inspiration – for reasons to get up and put up the bravest face possible even when it went against everything the body was actually feeling. I felt guilty for the suffering of the world’s people. I felt a sudden pang of our mortality and wanted to clutch those I hold dear even closer. What should have stayed as a mere frustration spiraled into a panic. Perhaps I had dived so deep into topics that I had uncovered too much, perhaps I was not being silly enough, or perhaps it was a combination of things, but suddenly the lightness in life that I had always experienced was missing.

I can only imagine that this episode was the body’s way of signalling to issues that I must address for my own long term well-being. Demons and fears that I must face head on now, instead of having them creep up unsuspected again. Aha, so I suppose this is that mental well-being that is the talk of the town. Just like a dose of medicine for a physical ailment that many of us are disinclined from taking, I did things that felt uncomfortable and unnatural which have started to reveal their benefits already. Like trying to articulate how I was feeling to my family, visiting and being with people in flesh and blood, doing mundane day-to-day things again, staying away from on-screen distractions, and even consulting a mental health professional.

In many ways, it was a question of what I needed and not what I was able to say I wanted. And this I suspect is the case with many of us. We are not quite able to articulate precisely what we are feeling and thus rendering those around us pretty useless as means of help. Warm chicken soup for the soul is what many of us need, but alas are probably too arrogant to ask for.

I feel my old outlook on life slowly returning; the levity is making a comeback. The anxiousness has weaned away. Curiosity, adventure, and desire are resurfacing.  All things that are worth living for.  The small difference is that I recognize that the long term sustainable well-being is going to be a work in progress and that I mustn’t forget to be kind to myself in the process either. After all, if I don’t prioritize my own well-being, how can I hope to be the pillar of strength to those in my life for years to come?

We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination that from reality – Seneca. How true is this. As we grow older, why do we become more fearful? And what exactly are we afraid of? There are things outside our control and this will always be the case, but worrying about how things may pan out never got anyone anywhere anyway, right? I rather go out and face the world in all its complexities and gray areas head on, rejecting fear, because that has been the only reliable constant in my approach all these years. So why change now!

 

Lights, Camera, Life

And just like that, our moving caravan moved back to where it had departed from not too long ago. Like the Blue People of Saharan Africa, The Taureg, with our few belongings, we transported ourselves yet again into an unfamiliar world. Temporary it may be, but excuses we do not make. Life continues to happen. The choice to be a part of it is ours.

Days and nights that have been languid, without a proper definition. No clear start, and thus no ends either. Just moments to embrace. Must not drift into visions of an impending future. This has to be the cruelest irony – with an abundance of time on our hands and basic needs met, what the hell to do? Freed from psychological time, whether to spend the minutes in intellectual pursuits or relationship building? Invest time in personal development or helping others? Read a book or watch TV? On and on and on and on. A paralysis of choice.

In this indecisive state of being, that ever-present question of purpose stares me back from the mirror. No where to hide anymore, I make meek attempts to confront it head on. Mustn’t distract myself, mustn’t find excuses, mustn’t run away. Must keep digging deeper.

Earlier today, at a deserted bus-stop in Queens, waiting for the Q18 that would ferry me to the 7 train, my feet let go from under me. In the late evening drizzle of a winter’s February, my arms flailed, I swirled, and surely I was dancing.

Why do we take ourselves so seriously? Sit and observe people around you and you are sure to find caricatures and archetypes everywhere. All of us fit an archetype too. Yet in our heads, our world and what is happening in it takes on such gigantic and all consuming forms that we are left with no choice but to play that role. What if you could have an outer body experience where you could observe yourself and your actions as an outsider, just as we do others in videos and movies and other video footage? If layered with music and good editing, surely, our own life’s movie may allow us to snap out of that cloud of emotions that drives us so often? Lights, Camera, Action, it can sometimes feel like we are not in the director’s seat ourselves. But alas, even with constraints, the call is still ours.

Think about a time when an emotion was so strong that it drove your actions, how you behaved, and how it impacted those around you? Irrespective of what type of emotion it was, hopefully you have a particular scene from your life in mind. If you can, replay that scene in your head and you may see what I am getting it. All of our energies are in a constant interplay. There is no escaping it, no timeout, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, Newton’s Third law of motion.

What I am driving at is that we have the power to snap in and out of whatever energy we are feeling. We just have to work on becoming very observant and aware of these energies. And as the control and understanding builds, we could channel energies based on the outcomes we desire. Blue mixed with red makes purples; anxiousness balanced by empathy prevents escalation of a situation. The combinations and outcomes are endless; some more desirable than others obviously.

There are seven billion and counting sapiens on this planet; many more billions of other conscious life including plants and animals. And these are just numbers for our planet. In the face of those numbers, can anyone really think themselves and the ongoing’s of their life as central to anything in the larger scheme?

The point is not to say that we shouldn’t go about doing the incredible things our species has shown itself capable to do. That we shouldn’t find a purpose for our time of being alive, whatever it may be. But rather the thought here is that we absolutely must rise in consciousness and be more aware of everything and everyone that we come in contact with and the unlimited power that our humble, daily actions have to trigger a chain reaction of good (or bad) from one to the next.

And a final footnote for this call to action – this work begins closest to home.

As I continue practicing what I now preach, I will first return to that little matter of dancing – for La Dolce Vita (the sweet life), for just having the ability to dance as much as I like, for the gladness of feeling so alive!

 

 

 

 

For the Joie de Vivre

Hello 2018. Hello All. Hello Existence.

Like the sun eventually does appear even after a bleak period, I am resurfacing from a short hiatus. Where have I been? To be honest, more in the now, and thus more alive.

As I have been observing, there have been a few different ideas that have converged, and in essence pointing to the same truth. Let’s talk about them.

I just finished reading a book called the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. In it, the author explores some very interesting spiritual concepts, mostly focused on how to attain a higher level of consciousness than what we ordinarily experience in the day-to-day. The whole text hinges on the principle that we must be more present, and not let our minds control our lives. And underlying that idea is the acceptance of the now, any now…

A month prior to that, Sana and I were sitting in an old 4×4 being driven across remote parts of Morocco. With us, our Berber driver, and the affable, Mr. Abdellatif – our self appointed guide through the country and a deeply good man with many stories to share. We had been together a while, we had broken bread together at rest stops, and we had gotten to know each other in a Frenglish (French and English mix) we came to laugh about. After a very long while, a place had made a real imprint on our hearts. We were going to return. Surely Mr. Abdellatif felt the connection as well. At the time of separation from the two, in a somber tone we said, we will come back soon. Inshallah (if god wills it) he said….

For the first time, I found real meaning in the phrase that Muslims say around the world, countless times a day, involuntarily. I pondered on the essence of why people say this out loud, and what it signifies. We had spent ten (10) days in Morocco, going from town to town, through small villages, the mountains, through the desert, experiencing the myriad cultures, sampling the foods, conversing, laughing, all in an effort to make sense of what I can only describe as a dramatic land worth getting lost in….

Years earlier, my grandfather pondered, more through action than words, whatever is, accept it. Or rather as most of us know, Que Sera Sera, whatever will be, will be…

All these seemingly separate sources of knowledge were pointing to something very important. My lack of acceptance of Inshallah or Que Sera Sera has always been that I felt that they were lacking in intent. And acceptance without action felt like a cop out; an excuse for not working hard. And not surprisingly, in many parts of the world, they are used for that very reason. But coupled with what the book talked about and what I observed in the mentality among Moroccans, acceptance frees you from being in your mind too much.

What do I mean? It’s simple. If you were to observe your thoughts, they are often either hinged on the past or projecting into the future. The future, however near, is nothing but a projection of what we expect to happen in the future based on the data we currently have. If it’s sunny now, sure we can assume it might be sunny in an hour, but there is no certainty is there? Put in more complex terms, any plans, or hopes, or outcomes that we foresee in the future, is merely a storyline computed by the mind. For many of us, this might be happening countless times a day, for short and long term future planning.

And this is exactly where the work lies if we are to embrace what is, whatever it might be, fully. We accept our present life situation without judgement as good or bad, but then work out what needs to be done to get to what we are hoping to get to and action it in the present without dwelling on what happened or what will happen too much. So in our case, the hope to get to Morocco again must be met with concrete actions at some point to actually make it happen.

What I had failed to recognize as the essence of a phrase like Inshallah was its power to bring one into the present. In this simple example of our time spent in Morocco, every time we got caught up in making plans for a future return whilst still there, Que sera sera was just a way to remind us that we were still there, even if what was remaining was shorter than when it began.

As we left the shores of Northern Africa, I took what I had seen many in the land embody to heart – living life for today, for the moment. The next few weeks I spent with my Family and with Sana in dramatically different settings and I continued to pull myself into the present whenever I found my mind drifting. The result – moments that were just reverberating with more energy that I suspect all involved felt more deeply as well.

From this short hiatus then, stories, I have countless. Lessons, simply just one – catch yourself if you are too much in your head. None of us has ever lived anything but in the present and yet the mind clings to the past and to the future. Embrace the now, and channel your being to whatever requires it – a task, a vista, or another being.

The challenge now is to live like this not just when convenient but to embody this way to being as a part of oneself!

#WhyHEC – Part 3 | Leadership in Action

In a Northwestern corner of France in Bretagne, at a special French military facility that can be best described as a fortress, with the waves of the Atlantic crashing onto the shore in the distance, the zip-line began with an all too familiar rush. Seconds later, I was flat on my back grimacing in pain for the rush had ended in a momentary lapse of awareness which led to a horrific landing at high speed,  broken abruptly by my right leg. Hours later, I would still walk away with a smile from what would become the most memorable two-day period of this MBA.

A hairline fracture to the right Tibia the scans revealed; at the place where the Tibia meets the frontal thigh bone. Over the next few weeks the affected area and surroundings would undergo a transformation of colors, internal clots et. all. Needless to say, any efforts to hasten the recovery process utterly useless, and for the first time, my physical constraints limiting me, forcing me to slow down. Till this day, some eight months after the incident, and following periods of time when I push myself a bit more than usual, the niggle flares up.

But this isn’t about the accident, the broken bone, the slow and frustrating recovery, a part of life. This is about the fact that despite an eventuality such as the one I described, what happened over those two days at the St-Cyr Military Academy was by far the most ringing endorsement of the value of learning by doing; A distinct highlight from the sixteen (16) months I spent tackling the curriculum at HEC that I suspect I will (and want to) remember long into the future. So what is the St-Cyr Leadership Seminar? Well, I am glad you asked.

From even before the program began, we always knew about a 2-3 day leadership seminar on our calendars in April ala The French Military. Through the grapevine, and from students of previous intakes, word got to us that St-Cyr is an experience unlike any offered to any MBA anywhere. Just knowing about this exclusivity of a part of our curriculum was enough to whet our appetite. Little else did we know, little else did we wish to discover before the experience itself; the anticipation enough to keep us guessing.

Let me start by saying St. Cyr was not a Military training. It was however an exercise in Leadership training, facilitated by seasoned Generals and French Military professionals with the highest work ethic, discipline, and know-how on how to manage, motivate, and lead teams. Conducted over two days on the grounds of a sprawling Military academy, the 200+ students were broken into carefully picked teams of 10-13 by the organizers and paired with an instructor who would serve as the coach/facilitator/mentor, all rolled into one. Together, by attempting tasks of varying complexity and length, typically unfamiliar to civilians, the group would come to build its own leadership playbook – a collection of plays if you may, absorbed through doing and immediately after, experience sharing.

To ensure future cohorts of students experience the program in the same way as we did, as well as to preserve the sanctity of this one of a kind HEC experience, I am not looking to disclose any details about what activities we specifically did. What I can say is that each of us was assigned a designated leader for one mission and then had to lead the group to success. As the group dynamic developed, lessons from mistakes corrected, each subsequent leader in the group displayed a style of leadership uniquely theirs. My group benefited from a mutual respect that existed between all of us which meant no one believed a task too menial or role too rudimentary to perform. This also enabled those that don’t naturally view themselves as leaders to express themselves. A learning environment so pure is hard to create I suspect.

What is Leadership? What does it look like? Sounds Like? Does it have a fluid form or is it rigid in definition? Though I would struggle to really pin the answer to any of those questions down, I do recognize the paramount importance of leadership and leaders. As the cliche goes, with great power comes great responsibility, and surely if entrusted with a leadership role, the obligation on the individual to rise above oneself must becomes the sole driver?

To celebrate the best in Leadership of the MBA, the school chose to use these following parameters as a criteria for nominations – Individualized Consideration, Intellectual Stimulation, Inspirational Motivation, and Idealized Influence. Getting a nomination from among a large cohort of talented students without having held any official leadership roles that many were scrambling for at the outset, was validation enough for me that leadership above all else is about action, less about words. It reaffirmed my faith in working at things, my way, everyday, uncompromisingly.

Alas, I didn’t make it in the final cut as voted by the class but the validation of the group was not what I was looking for in the first place anyway. From St-Cyr and my time at HEC, I learnt that we as individuals have the power to affect change if we are serious about it, and like anything worthwhile, it doesn’t come easy. Everything up-until this point had been about absorbing from the environment and learning and here-forth commences my leadership journey.

Wednesday was like any other day except it wasn’t. I woke up in my home in Versailles on cue. I drove over through those familiar streets onto campus. We went into lecture, which had it’s highs and lows as usual. At the end, we applauded as the professor finished the last of his 36 hours teaching us this term. Many went up to shake his hands, soaking in the end of classes. This was my last class of the MBA, the last moments in the classroom. A classmate on exchange from another University took me to the side and handed me a token gift and followed it up with, “Sid, your participation in class has made my MBA experience very meaningful. I want to give this to you as a Thank you…..”

The words I thanked her with didn’t quite capture what her gesture meant to me. All that hard work, all the participation, all that conviction of self, and just one genuine act of acknowledgement made it all worth it.

Here at HEC, I experience first-hand, Leadership in Action. Priceless.

#WhyHEC – Part 2 | The More You Know, the More You Dare

What’s in a name, right? Or in this case, what’s in a statement such as ‘The More You Know, the More You Dare’. For starters, it happens to be the registered trademark of HEC Paris, a declarative statement following up the name of the school online and hopefully in the minds of those that are associated with it. But its more what hides behind those mere words that I am interested in exploring.

It is no secret anymore that due to increasingly higher levels of global demand for meat, the industry has become highly polluting, and unsustainable due to a drain on natural resources and its impact on the environment. In a course on decision making and group influence, our professor brought out a box of the highest quality edible insects that money can buy, followed by an invitation for us to come and have some. The point of the exercise was to watch group influence at work, and as one, two, and more students started to pop the crunchy snacks into their mouths, another group of students sat horrified, grimacing.

The professor egged us on, or rather dared those of us not yet committing through facts – Insects are a high source of protein and highly sustainable. Chefs are starting to use them in menus. This is the future of food. They are perfectly edible. Nada. Even the group influence fails to work on those that have refrained long enough because they have strength in numbers, nervous glances at one another in solidarity. The professor’s efforts, not even the ones to stoke courage or lack thereof worked on some in the group. Here was an example of someone who was explicitly saying, hey there HEC student, are you all talk and no walk? The more you know (through all the facts being shared), the more you dare no?

If words have an intention and meaning, especially slogans such as this one which are meant to capture the spirit of an entire institution and its workings, surely, we must use them as a guidepost of how we ought to think? After all, we all aspired to be part of this tribe at one point, and wrote essays about why we were a good fit for this institution? In theory, there must be something in common that drew us all from our various lives to this particular institute at this moment in time. But in practice, as we saw with the insect eating in class, there is considerable variation in perspective.

I have talked about the quest for new knowledge before. I have talked about enjoying the process of learning, of tackling complex multi-disciplinary problems, and just appreciating the mind in action. The importance of perpetual and unquenching curiosity is well documented as well. And thus, myHEC story became about pursuing new knowledge, and as much of it as I could garner – from my peers, from professors, of lands, of theories, of interpersonal relationship, of failure, of language and culture, and of anything that I could possibly get my mind to grips with. And what cannot be underestimated is the importance of unlearning; ideas and thoughts that are deeply rooted in psyche, origins of some that are untraceable, yet playing a deterministic role in how we see the world. Unlearning is an art into itself.

I remember meeting with a Harvard Business School (HBS) graduate last year. She was running her own successful enterprise in NYC, and I asked her about what she got out of her post-graduate education at the esteemed institution; her response was the fact that she felt the education had been comprehensive enough to allow her to debate in any setting of business people confidently. And with one week from completion of my own MBA, I can now vouch for this feeling. I went into the program knowing that there were unknowns in my understanding of the modern-day business world, and after 15 months, I am starting to emerge on the other side with just enough knowledge to be dangerous in a variety of domains.

But alas, with more learning has come the acceptance that learning is limitless. It gives me the license to challenge the status quo relentlessly, provoke thought in those that I can influence, and continue to push the boundaries of what we know and how we go about it in my own way. Credit where credit is due, and perhaps it was the conditions or circumstances leading up to my time at HEC, or my own effort, or the program and professors, or possibly (and likely) all of those combined, but I have many to credit for yet another elevation in my stream of consciousness.

I like our school’s motto. It is one I reflect on often. Simply, it provides me with the mental trigger to strive for excellence, and to continue exploring the collective human knowledge. And that very knowledge will be the fuel to affect positive transformation in my own span of influence, and as a result, serve as inspiration for others to follow.

“The only thing that I know is that I know nothing”
– Quote often attributed to Plato’s Socrates

#WhyHEC – Part 1 | France, la poésie en mouvement!

T-3 more sessions of classes or T-10 days from completion of this adventure that has been the MBA in France. To say that there have been countless highs, big and small, during these ~15 months would be a gross disservice to the difficult (but rewarding) unlearning and learning process that we underwent. A few weeks into the program, one of the candidates running for student council president remarked, “We have all knowingly sacrificed a lot to be here.” And before you question what possibly a privileged group paying an arm and a leg for an education in a beautiful country could possibly be sacrificing, the answer is simply, the decision we made to move out of our comfort zones – everything that many of us knew, we left behind, the full extent of the transformation barely revealed to us today.

So as homage to a truly memorable period in my life, I would like to go back through my phone’s camera reel, and tell the stories that I see. The photos, despite being a snapshot in place and time, say so much more to me when put together this way. The characters and the roles they would end up playing in my experience was unbeknownst to them, and even to myself at the outset. To acknowledge these stories is to highlight the importance of simple, pure actions in everyday life that leave a much deeper imprint than the action itself.  And just for some kicks and giggles, I am going to title this series, #WhyHEC, and dedicate it (sic) to all MBA’s around the world.

There is nothing more fitting to get this started than to talk about the backdrop of the transformation itself – France! My love for France has its roots in an unorthodox setting – my classroom in Delhi between grades 6th and 10th. Despite the pointlessness and lack of quality of the in-class teaching in those years, the je ne sais quoi of the French language captured my imagination. A short stint of four months in France when I was still completing my undergraduate degree rekindled that dormant flame within. And thus when we set foot in France this time around, I was ready to embrace it with my full self.

 

It’s hard to capture the essence of what living in France is like. It’s an understated giant if there ever was one. Sure, politically and economically not the first country you think of these days, but it has taught me what living is about. Coming from having lived in an uber-efficient, hyper-active society such as the US for nine years, France came as a culture shock. Administrative paper peddling that came across as inefficient and frustrating became a lesson in itself. When I looked around, I realized that the only people losing sleep over tasks not completed instantly were us sorry foreigners while the French made merry over wine and bonheur with other sapiens each day.  If the French didn’t seem in any sort of urgency, maybe we could put up our feet from time to time as well?

The French are a very proud people with a deep, long, and illustrious history. The Language is of paramount importance to them for it is a test for any outsider wanting to make this home. A genuine effort is all that they are looking for and then they are all yours. It’s a simple but powerful thing when wanting to experience France. A country, region or place cannot truly be experienced without getting a glimpse into the lives of the people that inhabit that place and thus it would be a futile effort to fully experience France without a few French words and an openness in one’s approach.

France is not just about Paris but if there could be a truly symbolic representation of an entire land, Paris would be the sole contender to play such an important role for a modern-day nation. Yes much of France’s magic lies in it’s natural landscapes, it’s savoir faire in craftsmanship of various products, its sprawling chateaus and small villages, and its richness of art and culture, but somehow that spirit is captured in the dreamy city that is Paris and the French are proud of it. Those that live in this curated city-museum pump in the life that transforms the city into a strong and emotional experience for anyone that passes through it. Not enough can be said about Paris. Paris cannot be described. It must be felt and smelt and touched and seen; at times all at once, and at times with one or two senses only. But always slowly, and in painstaking detail.

So then, these months of being in a business school have been as much about the classroom experience as they have been about France and Frenchness. A multicultural, multinational, multi-faith cohort such as the one at HEC has been a further testament to the appeal of France to those of otherwise very different leanings. The slowness built into the very fabric of French life from its culture to its architecture has forced us to pause and reflect on the barrage of data we are inundated with in everyday modern life. These moments of slowness were critical to showcase the benefits of embracing mindfulness. And this, the location, is one of the reasons that made the HEC experience a truly transformative one for me.

This world will always need a Paris, the way of life in France. I leave here in under two weeks with an indelible imprint of France in my heart. There is a natural melancholy for this chapter is the last one of this book. But alas it is time to move on. To leave while the emotions are still very raw – for that is the best chance I have of bottling them up in the recesses of memory in the purest form possible.

Vous me manquerez France
Vous m’avez montre du plaisir,
Le bon temps et le bonheur,
Sont en abundance ici.

Vous êtes de la poésie en mouvement.
Par votre langue, vos sites, et votre historique,
Vous m’avez appris a vivre!

– Siddharth Gurnani

With Malice Towards None

In December, I shared a Christmas feast with an Italian Family in Milan…… In March, scores of us bathed in colors to celebrate Holi in the small French town of Jouy…… In April, I put on a Yamaka and followed along to a passover prayer, before dinner with Israeli friends in Paris…..In August, I sat down cross-legged on the floor and broke bread on the occasion of Eid with my wife’s family in Queens….In October this year, I missed being in India. It was more than 10 years ago that I was there for Diwali….And Yesterday, 10 years of Thanksgiving…

If there was ever a holiday that generated broad goodwill, Thanksgiving is truly one of them. Since it is predominantly a US holiday, it was the first new holiday I discovered when I moved there in 2007. That first fall, a few months after having arrived in the US, a classmate invited me to his Southern Home to celebrate this important American date. I remember vividly the warmth and welcome I received despite how different to them I appeared. Both I and them were intrigued by one another, yet when we did sit down for the Thanksgiving feast, the focus quickly turned toward the feeling of gratefulness.

Gratefulness is a powerful feeling. It is emotive. It’s a feeling that reduces man to humility. Clearly then, it is a necessary thing to experience.

The origins of Thanksgiving are mired in controversy but what the holiday evolved into centered around this feeling of gratefulness. The Turkey and the accompanying feast, family, and time for leisure helped trigger the emotion. Swathes of independently thinking Americans (I use the term broadly for anyone living in America) would traverse the country, by choice or not, to make it in time for Thursday supper, the day of Thanksgiving. Despite any reluctance or disinterest on the part of individuals, engaging in a ritual such as the one Thanksgivings are typically made up of for a number of years is bound to trigger a positive Pavlovian response in individuals – the month of November commences, and the brain sends a host of positive signals.

I must confess that nine (9) years of Thanksgiving weekends in a myriad of conditions, and with a host of families and friends has done the same to me. There was no big fanfare for me yesterday as I was feeling unwell to participate in the student celebration on campus. A simple dinner followed up by a warm bed at home invoked all the same emotions that the gluttony does and reminded me of all that I am thankful for.

On this Thanksgiving, I remind myself that I must invite this feeling of gratefulness more often into my life. There is much to be thankful for, but most of all for this openness in attitude and perspective I have held on to very dearly. It is this particular wiring of the mind that has allowed me to travel far, wide, and deep into cultures, and religions, and helped me experience the vulnerabilities in all of us – the human in all of us.

So to all of you all – Happy Thanksgiving today. Christmas Tomorrow. And Eid Day After!

We are what we celebrate! 

 

 

 

 

So what are you saying when you’re saying what you’re saying?

I think I have previously shared this very particular phrase a professor of mine used to use in class as a way to probe the one who spoke without precision. It allowed her to peel back the layers of hidden intent that questions or responses sometimes concealed.

On Saturday, I sat through a powerful one-woman play in a French theater called Mon Ange – the true story of a young Kurdish girl in the middle of conflict, torn between two very opposing choices in life. The dramatic, evocative, and often edge of the seat performance was initially lost on me, for the French dialogue was too complex to follow. Later, a thorough translation from my friend filled in the gaps, yet it didn’t feel as though I had completely missed the plot. It was not language but the tone or the expressions that betrayed more than the French ever could – and for those, the words themselves had no role.

I often wonder about the usefulness of words. I have said things at times, with little to make for them in action later. We all have done that I am sure. Most of the chatter in daily life is just that isn’t it; chatter? Empty space is often filled with words for those involved feel the need to do so if they share a common language. But what about when language isn’t shared or before we developed languages at all?

Sana has an intriguing thought on this topic – what were thoughts before language was invented? Before man had created any words or expression, how did those ideas and feelings that the mind drifts through manifest themselves? Were they sensations that transcended to the physical realm or were there no feelings whatsoever? I assume the former, and that how we experienced our feelings was more metaphysical.

The true litmus test of a concept such as that of marriage is the ability for the two involved to understand the nuances of one another’s feelings and emotive experience. In our own relationship, this is where Sana and I have experienced the pointlessness of words at times – despite our best efforts, it is near impossible to communicate continuously, and precisely the daily lived experience. And even if one manages to explicitly communicate what one is going through, surely the other person can’t live it. And if we can’t live an experience, how can we empathize and understand it? And this is the fundamental challenge any couple, anywhere, and of any age has to navigate.

Thankfully for us, and for anyone reading and curious, the trick to remaining in sync might be a simple readjustment of the duo’s spoken to non-verbal word ratio. Let me elaborate. After having read the book Sapiens, I cannot help but see human kind as another species of animals and thus similarities to the animal kingdom are revealed through our behaviors and actions. Animals have a language of their own we are told. Perhaps it’s not language like the English I type in or even the hieroglyphics of ancient Egyptians, but nonetheless they are able to organize, forage, reproduce, roam, frolic, and exist through some form of coordination techniques. If we thought of relationships we wish to nurture in our lives as just acts in coordination, wouldn’t we consider a different tool than language to do so?

What if instead of trying to communicate verbally, we just worked on matching one another’s rhythm more closely and precisely? If looking to connect with someone more meaningfully, both sides would watch and mimic the pace of gestures, of movement, and of action. Slow with slow, slower with slower, fast with fast, faster with faster. I suspect this is what people are inadvertently searching for when looking for ‘soulmates’. According to a definition, A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, or compatibility and trust. So if being soulmates was more about this natural resonance (frequency at which a vibrating system oscillates with greater amplitude) rather than the romanticized idea as depicted in films and through culture, wouldn’t we be better of finding mates (romantic and non-romantic) if we searched for this  pace over and above any outwardly characteristics of nationality, social standing, wealth, profession, and the like?

What I propose is abstract and hard to visualize but it can be felt. You know this feeling when you are with people with whom you feel comfortable from within – your pace of being is similar. There is another case to be made for this sync-over-words approach leading to a generally slower pace on average given that we belong to the natural world and the natural world, if we look around, is tranquil. And thus, sapiens ought to arrive at that natural setting too.

I end with two quotes that signify both the importance and futility of the spoken word. It is no surprise then that even communicating this idea has felt like such a struggle. I tried. Hopefully with at least little success. Until next time, pay close attention to your relationships, and best of luck syncing up in silence!

“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
– Frank Outlaw

“Silence is the language of god,
all else is poor translation.”
― Rumi

 

The Curry Between Us

The Sicilians craved for Arancini, the Brazilians for Farofa, the Latinos for Empanadas, the Indians for Daal, and the Japanese for Umami. But whatever our outwardly differences, there was always that one truly universal thing – the need to eat everyday or as I like to say, the curry between us.

HEC is a diverse community if there ever was one. Just the tiny MBA population of about 500 has over 50 nationalities and many many cities lived-in, represented. Add the professors, staff, and students from other programs, and you have a small microcosm of humanity in a little french town we all fondly know as Jouy-en-Josas. Precious little Jouy.

Soon after moving to France, it became clear to me that our highly global community of sapiens was concentrated in an area with little to no access to the delicious foods and cooking traditions we all know and hold dear collectively. Unless!

Unless of course you were able to solicit an invite to someone’s home and were welcomed by the same familiar aroma’s that brought all the memories flooding back. It helped that through my own experiences of hosting countless evenings centered around food over a decade, that I was able to recognize the power of a shared meal to transcend from being a real to a visceral experience, staying with those involved long after the actual meal itself. This was the vision for what we called Our Kitchen – a community that creates real life connections among people, with home-cooked food being the primary vehicle.

So on Wednesday, after a hiatus this summer, we held Around the World in Many Plates – a food fair to celebrate the fact that diversity is just a man-made concept. We are more similar than we are different. To illustrate, I present exhibit 1 below – one playful photograph at the end of the night: Let’s try this From Top Left: Varad, a restaurateur from Pune. Smiling Silvana from Argentina. Lore from Chile holding Aki’s Japanese baby. Israeli Shir poking from the background, next to Brazilian Bernardo. California born Londoner Stephanie looking in their direction. Iraqi descent Israel born sweetheart with the beard Roei. French-American Alyssa with the Beret. Portuguese Jose grinning ear to ear holding the ripe tomato in his hand. A Russian – Puerto Rican New Yorker Maria biting into Spinach, presumably happy having served up a Bolognese Ala Italian grandmothers. Behind me, Brazilian Manoela who cooked, an Italian Gnocchi, because why not. Indian Smriti with the Chilli having delighted the crowd with her assortment of traditional Indian fritters. South African Gabriel beaming after having served up traditional Bobotie and Rice. Portuguese Andreia, Brazilian Patricia, Pakistani Sana, and the pure joy elicited among all from the flying spinach. Differences, what Differences?

At a time when humanity appears to be more divided than ever, we have no business but to be working on bridging boundaries, and making the effort to understand one-another everyday. This is an unprecedented time for our species; we have never been this connected to one another across this planet. It’s only a matter of time, and its already happened to some extent, that we will all look and sound the same too. If we look past the cloaks of nationality, religion, class, language, and other social constructs, how can we see one another as anything but one and the same?

And this is precisely why sharing food serves the tribal purpose of bringing people together despite the individuality we meticulously craft and put on each day before we head into the world.

It is no coincidence that I call it Our Kitchen for it is not My Kitchen, it is not Your Kitchen, it is our Collective Kitchen. I envision Our Kitchen as a movement of human consciousness much bigger than any of us. I just hope our little effort at HEC, here and now, can help it gain traction. What size, shape, and form, the concept of Our Kitchen will take in the future is fluid. All I know is, we are just getting started!

To err is Homo Sapien

10,000 years ago, there existed at least six (6) different species of Humans. Today, us, homo sapiens, reign supreme. How did we come to dominate?

In a few words: Sapiens, a brief history of Mankind by Professor Yuval Noah Harari

In a few more words: what an absolutely insightful, well researched, and objectively well written piece of reading; an absolute must for any intellectually curious Sapien among us.

I was recommended this book by a friend recently and ordered a copy which once I started, I couldn’t put down. I finished in record time by my standards. The book traces the evolution of our species and draws upon Anthropology, Sociology, Chemistry, Biology, Philosophy, Geography, History and ties all that we know as well as don’t know into what I can only describe as showing the reader a mirror that the reader cannot avert their gaze from, however uncomfortable it gets.

The objective, scholarly style of the book is praiseworthy for the author puts the facts out to bare in a way that readers of many beliefs will have to deal with. It’s a book for anyone who ever ponders what their purpose of existence is. Spoiler alert, there is no clear answer if that’s what you’re looking for. But reading the book might just help you piece together all that you have ever thought of regarding this topic.

Since early this year, I have forced myself to make reading a habit. Through the summer at work, and now back at school, having trained myself to make time for stimulation of the type one can find through books and their worlds, I now find myself restless if too much time passes without a book at my nightstand. Nonetheless, it’s become a rewarding habit. Often trying to formulate thoughts of my own, I recognized the need to learn from the human collective. Books over any other media have the advantage of being thorough and detailed and reward greatly those that do invest the time in them; something a short video or meme could never hope to do.

When hard pressed for time in one’s life, there is always the urge to stream video instead of to read words on paper, as reading can feel more taxing to the brain. Yet, there are ways to make progress on books even if not reading hundreds of pages in one go such as on one’s commute or for 20 minutes before bed. Many countless times, I too am guilty of choosing some other activity over reading the next few chapters of my book. But whenever I do return, it’s never anything but a joyful re-acquaintance .

Among the 400+ pages of Professor Harari’s book were many thought provoking ideas including a section about what we know about Happiness – A concept we all wish for, yet barely understand.  In the pages dedicated to the topic he explores it  Historically, Buddhistly (sic) and from a scientific perspective as well i.e. human biochemistry. Though I don’t want to rob anyone of the pleasure of discovering the insights on their own, I did come across one quote by Friedrich Nietzche in the book that I wanted to highlight – “If you have a why to live for, you can bear almost any how.” Keeping one’s very crucial bio-chemical make up aside for a moment, what Nietzche is potentially suggesting is that if you find a purpose for living, the external happenings are irrelevant to your contentment. And what is purpose? Well I can’t do all the answering can I.

Another particularly thrilling match up in the book is between nature and culture. Often the rules and prohibitions that are enforced upon people’s are nothing but the manifestation of a collective human imagination. Nature, by its definition in fact, doesn’t prevent anything; the very reason that is often cited to not do something e.g. Homosexuality. So as it turns out, Biology Enables, Culture Forbids. And culture is man-made, not natural.

I end simply by saying, I cannot recommend this book enough. It’s a game changer in us understanding our place and how we came to be where we are, and what could be…